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Thursday, April 9, 2009

My Real Profile

I'm Sach Poelker, the stylish one in the group (see picture above). In filling out the blog's profile I realized it doesn't give you enough of an insight into the kind of man I truly am. If we are going to share the internet experience together fully, we need to become better friends then Starsky and Hutch (the two old guys who were the originals S & H, not Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson...they hated each other for a while in Zoolander, and there will be no hate on this blog...not for one second). All the basics are covered in my true profile below.

Name: Zachary Leonard Poelker I or Lenny Ally Schmidt III depending on who you ask
Height: 6'5"...thats 6 feet 5 inches to clear things up
Weight: 296 lbs.
Hometown: St. Louis, MO
Educational: Beloit College PhD
Favorite Color: Carolina Blue
Favorite Animal: Grizzly Bear/The golden retriever in homeward bound
Nicknames: Sack, Sachary, Sack Artist, Jack of All Trades
Heroes: Dean Smith, Bejamin Piatt Runkle, Forrest Gump
People Cooler Than: Reicham, Rick Ross, Shooter McGavin
People Cooler then Me: Zac Efron, Bill Bellamy, John McClane
age: 147 baxter years
Brand Loyalities: Anheuser-Busch, Nike, Sperry Topsiders, Lasko box fans
Golf Handicap: 52
Celebrity Look A Like: Butterbean
Sworn Enemy: Richard Nixon (watergate still hurts, let's be honest)
Most Memorable Moment: I never really personally accomplished anything of value...so watching other people accomplish great things. Like those East Germans who tore down the Berlin Wall, Bob Knight throwing chairs, and Paul Walker acting
Body Hair: Yes please...only way to fly

That's me in a nutshell. The blogs profile didn't delve deep enough into me as a person, but this one cuts right to the core of me. Now that I have a blog the internet is now complete. My buddy Ryan showed me how to set this thing up (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9dqckcQQZw), so hopefully it works. Anyways, I gotta go write a paper on the Cuban Revolution/Fidel Castro's beard...so if you like what you see tell your sister I'm single and watch out.

p.s. I'm sure you are all wondering how I got my nicknames. If you can read my name, then Sack (we sail without him) should be fairly obvious. If you don't get it I suggest you get into a time machine, go back to 2005, go to a movie theater and join society. As for the Jack of All Trades...we all know that trade is a classical latin term for male genatalia. Now before you go and put your head in the gutter, consider this. What is the world's oldest profession? You and I both know the answer to that question, but I won't say it because this is a family blog. So what did most people use for their jobs in ancient times? Their trades. So the word trade also meant job in classical times, according to most translations. So Jack of All Trades basically means I can do any job at least as well as the best Jack in that profession. You say you're father, Jack, is the best mechanic with that name...well I'm at least as good. Who's the best actor named Jack? Well Jack Nicholson of course...and I'm as good as he is. If you want to argue with me, you'll be wrong. I take logic, so logically I'm right...fact.

Now back to Castro lighting his beard on fire with a cigar

In Hoc,
Sachary L. Poelker
The Sack Artist: Jack of All Trades

3 comments:

  1. Sack,

    First time poster, long time reader. Thanks so much for giving me something to look forward to each day. In the midst of this economic crisis, sometimes it seems there is no light at the end of the tunnel. But you've given me that light like Sean Paul, and I thank you.

    Please keep giving us hope.

    Sincerely,

    Craigory Trevace Davis

    ReplyDelete
  2. The last time I laughed this hard was when I first learned about euthanasia Zach, and for that I thank you.

    Love,
    Earth Worm Jim

    ReplyDelete
  3. You are a true wordsmith.

    P.S.- I believe that the correct grammar is "your" not "you're" which actually means you are...

    "You say you're father, Jack, is the best mechanic with that name...well I'm at least as good"

    ReplyDelete