Ok so I thought that I wouldn't be posting until early next week, but I've witnessed some things that have forced me to air my grievances via the internet. Around 2 P.M. on Friday I started what would turn out to be a dangerous trip to St. Louis, to celebrate Jesus' resurrection from the dead in my hometown. Because I had stayed up the entire night before writing a paper on Cuba's World Baseball Classic loss (that caused the revolution right?) and then blogging about it, my fraternal brother Clayton "Chokum" Yoakum had to take over the driving responsibilities. After having him chug a monster, spit it in my face while turning into the incredible hulk, and then ruining my month plus love affair with "I'm on a Boat" by singing every word in a terrible impersonation of T-Pain and his voice synthesizer, I was happy to drive past East St. Louis and make it home.
Friday Night Lights, TV Show (which has no connection with the Movie or Book)
As I arrived home and enjoyed a delicous yet somehow meatless meal my mother had prepared, I turned on the TV to watch my beloved St. Louis Blues clinch a NHL playoff birth. The problem was I thought the Blues still had Chris Pronger, Al McCinnis and Brett Hull and was puzzled when I heard about a strike in the National Hockey League some 4 or 5 years ago...somehow I missed the whole thing and I watch ESPN at least 10 hours a day. Anyways I noticed Friday Night Lights the TV show was on, and remembered the crush I had on Matt Saracen, Tim Riggins and the rest of the Dillon Panthers some 2 years ago. After falling asleep for a couple hours, and totally missing my chance to show my lack of confidence around women at the local bar scene, I turned on the DVR and saw the past 4 weeks of Friday Nights Lights recorded and waiting to be watched.
Obvously I needed food for this 4 hour adventure through Dillon, Texas so I microwaved up a delicious Chicken Panini and was ready to go, Gob bless Lean Cuisine. The first three episodes showcased the rise of freshman sensation JD McCoy at quarterback, who somehow replaced star senior Matt Saracen, despite Matthew's state title and 117-2 record in his 2 years as the starter. To make a long story short Mr. Joe McCoy, JD's father, beat the hell out of JD like he was Mike Tyson fighting in 1989 (if you're thinking about a Chris Brown reference right here, think again)? Coach Taylor saw the episode and of course informed the authorities, like any responsible citizen would. Taylor then benched the younger McCoy down 27-0 at half of the state title game, while Matty Saracen almost led the Panthers to a come from behind victory, but instead they suffered a crushing defeat, a la the 1992 Kentucky Wildacts thanks to Christian Laetnerr (sorry Lit Man).
Now here's the kicker, months after the state title game Coach Eric Taylor was fired in favor of Wade Aikman. Rumors are Wade Aikman is the illegitimate half-brother of former Cowboys star QB Troy Aikman, who was first offered the job but turned it down recommending his brother Wade, who to my knowledge has never touched a football in his life. However, the chance to have an Aikman as head coach was too much to pass up for the Dillon school board, and they eagerly hired Wade for the position. That seems perfectly reasonable too me. The first rule in coaching is "it's not what you know, it's who you know," and Wade knows Troy Aikman who, too my knowledge, only has had a few brief conversations with Coach Eric Taylor. Coach Taylor obviously knows the principal of Dillon High School, his wife Tammy Taylor, but Troy Aikman trumps a high school principal any day of the week. What I don't get is the school board president of Dillon, Texas, Hugo Broderman, is a 1989 graduate of the University of Southern California (USC). Who is USC's most hated rival? No, not Notre Dame (sorry Joe Davis but when you lose 15 years in a row by an average score of 66-2, there's no rivalary), but UCLA which is Troy Aikman's alma mater. So obviously the school board president hates Troy, and would never hire his brother. So despite Coach Taylor's 98% winning percentage, two trips to the state title game and the obvious hate for Troy Aikman on the Dillon school board, Wade Aikman was still hired? Perposterous.
Anyways, none of this may have been true, but it is the way I would have written the show if I had the job. In fact I was offered the job, but turned it down because I had just heard Asher Roth's song "I love College" and was thinking about my own strong feelings for higher education. Too bad I didn't realize Asher Roth actually dropped out of college to pursue his music career and is a complete hypocrit. I feel cheated by your lies Roth, and so should every fan of Friday Night Lights for the shows obvious misunderstanding of Troy Aikman's influence on the town of Dillon.
Airing of Grievances: Nike Cares
So I'm at the gym today doing work when I approach the only pull-bar in the room. I was doing my usually routine of 8 sets of a 2-3 attempted, but failed, pull-ups. If you are making fun of me for not being able to do pull-ups think about this...I'm 300 f'in pounds. Try doing pull-ups with a small child holding onto your legs and you will see what I go through. Anyways, I take a break from my riduculously tiring workout to read about Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush's easter plans in US Weekly, when some goober comes and takes the pull-up bar without saying a word. I spent the next 10 minutes watching this guy get himself pyshced up to do 1.27 pull-ups, vomit, and fall on his face in that very pool of his own puke. While this bro was stealing my equipment, I was staring straight through his soul. I had a severe dislike for this fellow, and I realized why about 6 minutes into my Siberian death stare...he is covered head to toe in Adidas. I mean Adidas shirt (long sleeved too, what a tool), Adidas shorts, Adidas socks and the most hideous Adidas shoes I've ever seen. I want to pull down this dude's pants to see if his stomach is covered with a giant Adidas tattoo, but I pass becasue if I touch this Kevin Garnett want to be I might burst into flames (read my first post and you will see my loyalty to Nike is very real).
For those of you wondering why I prefer Nike to Adidas, I thought I would give you a few reasons. First of all the World Headquarters for Nike is Beaverton, Oregon. Where is the world headquarters for Adidas you ask? Herzogenaurach Germany. I don't know about you, but I'm an American through and through, and there is no town that embodies the American dream of large corporations dominating a town's fragile economy like Beaverton, Oregon. As for Herzogenaurach, Germany well I thought we won WWII for the express purpose of stopping inferorior German footwear from entering our market. I can't even spell Herzogenaurach (well I can thanks to google), but I sure as hell can't pronounce it. I will never support the home of my ancestors in Germany over the great US of A. I mean that's why my great-great grandparents got the hell out of there right.
Finally let's consider the priorities of the two athletic apparell giants. Nike cares about real issues that effect real people. Nike cares about putting Oregon football players (see Joey Harrington above) on enormous billboards in Time Square to further their careers. Nike cares about the University of Oregon having the best facilities money can buy to help young men further their education. Nike cares about giving the University of Oregon Ducks football team 115 uniform options, so the players never have to suffer the humiliation of wearing the same jersey/pant combo in a game. Nike endorses titans of the athletic world like Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, and Andre Agassi (before Adidas stole him...in another act of German aggression). Whose endorsement money was Michael Jordan spending at $100,000 clips at the MGM Grand? Sure as hell wasn't Adidas'...they pay in Euros, and we all know that monopoly money is worthless at any legit Vegas casino. Nike CEO Phil Knight is a man's man, who cares about people. He's the kind of man who will walk into your neighborhood bar & grill, order a prime cut 32 oz. Texas Steer and drink 6 budweisers while unbuckling his pants and watching Monday Night Football. Adidas CEO Herbert Hainer is the kind of guy who will drink expensive German wine with a sweet raspberry finish, while eating expenisve french cheese and watching BBC News. What's my point in all this? Nike cares about people, and I want shoes on my feet and apparell on my body that cares...and so should you.
I'll have more Monday or Tuesday with player profiles, big ups and my first contest.
In Hoc,
Sachary L. Poelker
The Sack Artist: Jack of All Trades
Sack, first of all I like to introduce myself. My name is Joe, I've been reading since day one, and I've decided to take your "Post a Comment" virginity. I hope their isn't too bloody of a mess, my religion doesn't allow me to use lube or contraceptives. I don't know what that had to do with anything, but after a lengthy introduction, here is my comment.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I'm sorry to hear about your loss... If T-Pain were dead I'm sure he'd be rolling in his grave. On another note, I would like to ask you this question: will this blog replace the facebook thread you created about 9 months ago? and follow-up: do you think you'll be able to make it bigger than the thread? Finally, list and talk about some of the differences and challenges that come with having your own blog and not a facebook thread. Then list the rewards.